I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
