so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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