Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
i think we sleep fucked last night...
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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