I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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