I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
