"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
