he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize