so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Randomize
