Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
