I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
