Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
