she was so not down for the gang bang
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
