i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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