i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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