do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Randomize
