Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
