The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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