At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
