The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
