You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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