Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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