when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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