really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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