I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
