Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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