we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
