if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Randomize
