Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
You can't special order awesome
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
