Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
