I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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