What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Randomize
