You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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