Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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