so that wasnt chicken after all
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
