I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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