why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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