Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
