HIV tests are more positive than that guy
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
