She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
