Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
