I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
