I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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