To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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