Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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