gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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