just survived the first fart of the relationship.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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