You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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