I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
