do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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