You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
