I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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