..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
