she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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