please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
