grandma shit on top of the toilet
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Even the bartender felt bad for me
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
