haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Randomize
