the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
