I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Randomize
