today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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