ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
