jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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