Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize