I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
