do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
