Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
