Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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