Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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