I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
