This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
