its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
